Reality Steve's Bachelor Recap 2/15/10

Subject: Reality Steve's Bachelor Recap 2/15/10 Mon Feb 22, 2010 3:12 pm

The Bachelor Recap 2/15/10; Part One

Quote :: The opening of the show had Jake reminiscing about each woman’s journey thus far which was just a way to kill time. Kinda lame. Especially when he told all of us that his date with Gia “was probably the most incredible date I’ve had”. You mean playing hide-and-go-seek in the open vineyard along with the 5th grade version of Spin the Bottle? That date? Most incredible date ever? Wow. You are the king of hyperbole, Jake. Congrats. Anyway, the more important thing they showed was the clip I gave you in Thursday’s column regarding Ali’s phone call. They just teased what was coming up later in the show by giving you everything leading up to her calling him on the phone. So much was wrong with this I don’t know where to begin.

1) When Jake is washing his face, he has no watch on. When he hears the phone rings, he walks out of the bathroom, turns the corner, and now he has a watch on in a matter of .0000000012484674655728 seconds.

2) When Jake is washing his face, he has light blue shorts on. When he answers the phone, he’s now wearing dark blue jeans.

3) Ali’s voiceover says that “I’ve been back in San Francisco for a few days now and even having my job, I’m still heartbroken without Jake”. As I mentioned Thursday, that phone call was made from a hotel in LA. In the first shot of her on the bed, the robe she’s wearing says “Le Montrose”, which is a hotel in West Hollywood. Five seconds later, that part of the robe is completely whited out so you can’t see it.

4) The shot of either the Bay Bridge or Golden Gate bridge over her shoulder while she’s in the hotel room talking to the camera is shot on a green screen. She was in LA when she made that phone call and filmed that whole segment, so anything on the outside of that hotel is a green screen where they’re creating the image she’s in San Francisco.

5) The part of Ali outside in deep thought with the bridge in the background, that was taken from her opening video they showed in the first episode of the season. Basically footage they shot when they went to her hometown that they never used.

6) Remember, that call was placed roughly a week after she left the show. She went home, then they came up with the idea for the fake phone call to create drama, so she came back down to LA (prob on a weekend I’m assuming), to film the call. At this point, it’s late November, early December and Jake has just barely been announced publicly as the next “Bachelor”, so how in the world would Ali have two 8 ½ x 11 glossy photos of him laying on her nightstand? Where did she get those? Off the internet? At the store? Please. That was probably the most preposterous thing out of that whole scene.

I don’t know why for the life of me they tried to play that phone call off like she was back in San Francisco. I mean, let’s say people actually believed she was back home. Why the hell is she living in a hotel? Who is she, Valerie Malone now after getting kicked out of the Walsh’s house? And ummmm, yes, that was a hotel. Look at the headboard, and the nightstand, and the phone, and the FREAKIN’ ROBE WITH THE HOTEL’S NAME! I mean, good Lord. If she’s back home in San Francisco still thinking about Jake, wouldn’t you at least show her at work daydreaming? Or maybe back in her own bedroom cuddling a Build-a-Bear that she made to resemble Jake? At least pretend you don’t think your viewing audience are complete idiots. They’re not even trying at this point. I need a nap.

-Gia’s date is up first at Pigeon Island in St Lucia. Why did it consistently spell it “Saint Lucia” on TV last night? Are we not allowed to abbreviate “Saint”? Well sorry, I’m going to. Saves me typing three extra letters and considering how long this column already is, I need to shorten it any way I can. “St” Lucia it is. There. That was easy. Jake is told to stand in one place overlooking the ocean while Gia comes up behind him and surprises him. Jake’s reaction? “I didn’t even know you were coming!” Ha ha. Probably not the first time Jake has ever uttered that line, and certainly won’t be the last. Hell, he probably said it later on that night in the fantasy suite. Oh wait. You mean, he was surprised she was popping up behind him? Woops. Well, that’s even stupider then. Really Jake? You have three girls left in St. Lucia for overnight dates, yet when you were standing there all alone with cameras filming you, you had no idea that one of your dates was possibly going to show up and begin your date? Even though you were already dressed for the occasion and immediately began the day’s events? Oh ok. I get it now. You’re just a complete imbecile. My bad.

-They start their day by shopping where the “local St. Lucian’s shop”. And this is important why? Are you planning on moving there with Gia someday? Nothing like two complete outsiders roaming the dirty streets of St. Lucia shopping for stuff they know nothing about. I think the only thing they should’ve been shopping for were little bit longer shorts for Gia so she could replace her daisy dukes she had on. Call me crazy but Gia’s cut off shorts rode up so high, I was beginning to think we were gonna catch a glimpse of her babymaker if she decided to jump and do a toe touch. Although I’m guessing the local St. Lucian’s wouldn’t have minded seeing Gia’s lady business, it probably was a little too much to be shown at 7:15pm Central time last night. C’mon, kiddies are watching this. It’s not like we didn’t get plenty of soft porn the rest of the episode, did we really need a tease of Gia’s hoo-ha less than twenty minutes into the show? Whatever the case, Jake now gives all of us dating advice. “If you can’t travel with someone, how’s it going to work?” Good point Jake. Very astute observation. I will answer your question, with a question of my own. “How can you possibly fall in love with someone in less than six weeks when you spend probably less than five hours total with them alone?” If you saw someone EVERY DAY for six weeks that you just met, it’d still be a stretch to propose to them after six weeks. But now you’re supposed to after tonguing numerous other girls and barely getting any alone time with them? Oh, ok. Makes perfect sense.

-Time for these two to jump off the dock and into the water. Not that this show has ever been one to repeat themselves, but doesn’t it seem like every season during the overnight dates, at some point, the two people will inevitably end up in the water somewhere, and one will say, “I feel like we are the only two people here”? Well, Gia said it last night. Actually Gia, you kind of are considering that’s the whole point of the date. They want to give you this false sense of “Wow. What an incredible man he is. We’re all alone together in this spot on this beautiful island and he’s the man I want to marry.” Sure he is. I’m guessing if your overnight date was at a Best Western off Route 66, you probably wouldn’t be feeling nearly as warm and fuzzy as you were isolated on an island with no one to distract you. Paint me skeptical.

-These two then sit down to have dinner at Smuggler’s Cove, which I thought was a convenient name since earlier in the day, it certainly looked like Gia was smuggling raisins under her bikini top. At dinner Jake gave what I thought was about as brutal a backhanded compliment as you can give. “You are drop dead gorgeous. It’s so surprising because you’re very deep as well.” Translation: My whole life I’ve pinned good looking women as idiots. But now you’ve changed that perception. Ummmm, thanks? How exactly was she supposed to take that? Gia doesn’t care at this point since, according to her, Jake is the most fascinating individual she’s ever been with in her whole life. “I’ve never met a guy that can even say half of what you just said.” Then you’ve definitely dated some real losers, Gia. He basically just told you he thought you’d be as sharp as a beach ball when he first met you, and now your lady parts are tingling when he spouts off rehearsed lines. Outstanding.

-Uh oh. Time for the dreaded Fantasy Suite card with Author Chris Harrison. Very talented writer he is. Same card for all three couples except for the name change on the envelope and in the opening sentence. “Jake and Gia, welcome to the beautiful island of St. Lucia (wait, if Chris just arrived there himself, why in the hell is he trying to come off as the local Congressman?). I hope you’re enjoying your stay. Should you choose to forgo your individual rooms, please use this key to stay as a couple in the fantasy suite. Chris. P.S. – We’ve ordered up plenty of Skinemax moves for you in case Jake gets a case of the ‘Ed’s’.” Took all of about four seconds for Gia to agree to this night of hot, passionate, babymaking. You don’t think Gia was excited for this? Gia: “I’m ready to be the last one here. I’m ready to go all the way.” And judging by the trail of clothes these two left on the floor from the bedroom to the hot tub, I’m guessing “all the way” meant “the full three minutes of heavy breathing with Jake.” Congratulations you two. Conceiving a child is a special moment. So I’m told. Glad you could share it with all of us.

Subject: Re: Reality Steve's Bachelor Recap 2/15/10 Mon Feb 22, 2010 3:18 pm

The Bachelor Recap 2/15/10 Part Two

Quote :: -Tenley’s day is up next with a wonderful helicopter ride over Rodney Bay. Whoever Rodney is, he sure got a lot of run tonight considering Tenley and Vienna’s date was in his bay. Hope he asked for some residuals from this. The helicopter lands and these two decide to have a picnic. Well, that’s what they called it. It was more like a make-out session with a picnic as the sideshow. Holy crap. Tenley’s tongue got a hell of a workout on their date. They never showed them for more than five seconds without some sort of kissing going on. I do remember her saying once when she came up for breath, “I haven’t had a picnic for years. Not with boys.” I guess that’s why she’s taking full advantage of this one and making sure her tongue is more slutty than she certainly is. If Tenley’s tongue competed in the Winter Olympics, it’d medal in every event. I’m sure Jake’s would be disqualified due to being, ummmm, overused. Or infected with Vienna’s coodies. Plus, I don’t think penicillin shots are allowed during the Olympic games. They test for that kind of stuff.

-Jake informs Tenley of what life would be like dating him other than incredibly boring and uneventful. “One Saturday night we’re at dinner, and I could say, ‘You know what? Why don’t we go to the Caymans together’?” Sure that happens. Uh huh. As fantasy land as that sounds, I’m guessing if you ask all of Jake’s ex girlfriends how many times that’s actually happened, the answer would be close to zero. I’ll let you know when I get an answer from one of them. Probably will be this side of “never”. So since flying off to the Caymans isn’t an option with them already in St. Lucia, they decide to head down to the black sand beach. Tenley dressed for the occasion by wearing her hot black bikini. One thing I completely forgot to mention last week was that I was a big fan of Tenley’s green rose ceremony dress. Huge fan. And this coming from someone who knows very little about women’s fashion. I just know what I like when I see it, and I was a fan of her dress. The black bikini? Big fan as well. I only wish I could’ve seen what she was wearing this past Sunday night when she was at the Huntington Beach Bella Terra theatres for the 7:40 showing of “Valentine’s Day”, just minutes away from where I was. Someone I know was sitting in the same row as her and texted me when they saw her there. If only I could’ve ran into her two hours earlier when I was there with the kids. Sure, I could’ve made my way back over there to scope out the scene, but trying to bribe a 5 ½ and almost-3 year old to get out of the house at 9:45pm was something I just couldn’t bring myself to do. I didn’t want to deal with the repercussions that would inevitably be coming later. Hmmmm, I wonder if Tenley had a date to see “Valentine’s Day”? I can tell who she wasn’t with: Jake.

-On the beach, Tenley decides to inform Jake of something we haven’t heard in at least a week: She hasn’t been with another man since she was married. I never would’ve known that if they hadn’t mentioned every episode so far this season. I guess she thinks we all have short term memory or something. I’m sure her ex-husbands fiancée probably has some choice words for that as well too. Must suck being the “other woman” sometimes. Then again, magazines pay you to talk, you’re probably gonna come up with whatever you can that sounds the most demeaning. I like how the show pretty much threw Tenley under the bus last night too. It was obvious that when Tenley was talking about “trusting Jake with her heart”, and staying overnight was a “big step for her”, she wasn’t inferring she was about to sleep with the guy. C’mon. I know a lot of you want to think sex happens on the overnight dates, and it most certainly does and has in past seasons, but do you really think that a girl who’s been with one man in her life is gonna go bang some guy she’s known for three or four weeks on television show? Of course, ABC will have you think otherwise since every insinuation they made during Jake and Tenley talking about her staying over was that her decision to stay the night was a decision to vote “Yes” on sex. I wasn’t there, I don’t know what happened, but I’m willing to be my right arm that those two barely heavy petted each other let alone had sex. Just my opinion. Vienna on the other hand? Ummmm, we’ll get to that in a bit.

-These two plop down for dinner at something called “Le Sport”. Sounds like the French 24 Hr Fitness. Over dinner, Tenley informs Jake that “put her past to rest and she has a lot of love to give.” Just not of the intercourse variety yet. That’ll have to wait, Mr. Pervert. She also informs him that she’s really falling in love with him. Oh boy. You know my thoughts on this, so lets just say it probably wasn’t one of her finer moments. And since Jake now knows how Tenley feels, he figures he can dazzle her with his two left feet as he takes her up the steps for more dancing. For a guy who can’t dance, he sure isn’t embarrassed to consistenly keep showing us he can’t. Which reminds me, I forgot to mention the awful gyrating he did in the middle of the street while shopping with Gia. I started to get Elaine Benes flashbacks watching that awkward twitching going on. Then I channeled my inner Chandler Bing by asking, “Could he BE any more of a dork trying to dance?” The answer to that question is a resounding “no”.

-Fantasy Suite card time with world renowned author, Chris Harrison. “Jake and Tenley, welcome to the beautiful island of St. Lucia. I hope you liked making out in every location we sent you too. It’s obvious you’re enjoying your stay but I wouldn’t get a boner just yet, Jake. Should you choose to forgo your individual rooms, please use this key to stay as a couple in the fantasy suite and talk all night long on the bed till the wee hours of the morning. Chris.” Before the commercial break, they were making you think Tenley might not take up the offer. Uh huh. She accepted immediately and they went up the room to drink hot cocoa, listen to some Andre Bocelli, and discuss her ex-husband some more. Tenley: “Tonight’s a really special night. This isn’t something I just do (stay overnight with a guy). I trust Jake with my heart.” See, you hear someone say that on this show and the way they set up the mood, you almost certainly think they bedded down. Not a chance with her. Feel bad for her since pretty much everyone thinks he laid pipe to all three girls on those overnight dates. I’m sure he did to two of them. The middle one? Not quite. Only those two know what happened, but c’mon. Lets use a little common sense here.

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-Rodney Bay better start hosing itself down cuz’ here comes Vienna and Jake’s Sex Fest 2009. Jake: “This whole journey has had a lot of ‘first times’ for Vienna. I’m excited for her to experience all this with me.” As are we, Jake. As are we. Watching desperate women completely throw caution to the wind (and their bodies) in order to get what they want is quite amazing television, I tell ya’. These two board a pirate ship which was apparently used in “Pirates of the Caribbean”. You mean Jake and Vienna got to exchange bodily fluids where the infamous Capt. Jack Sparrow roamed? Oh how low on the totem pole Johnny Depp must feel right now. A prop from one of his all time biggest blockbusters is now essentially being turned in to the stripper pole at your local gentleman’s club. I love the fact that these two had a pirate “themed” date. So I can make jokes like, “At what point did Vienna yell out ‘All hands on deck!’?” Except she decided to exchange one little letter out of “deck” to completely change the meaning of the sentence. At any point during this date did Jake become an “Angry Pirate”? That’s what I want to know. See? If you thought for a second these two sex hounds would be on a pirate ship and I wouldn’t somehow mix an “Angry Pirate” reference in, then “you don’t know me. You don’t know me at all” (Vanilla Ice – “Cool As Ice” 1991).

-It’s safe to say “Grease 2″ and “Cool As Ice” are my two guiltiest movie pleasures of all time. I mean, when a movie has a tag line of, “When a girl has a heart of stone, there’s only one way to melt it. Just add Ice”, is it not a given that might be the greatest cinematic experience of your life? I could talk for days about how “Cool As Ice” shaped my high school years. I mean, just look what ridiculously awesome quotes Vanilla spewed out in that one:

“Drop that zero and get with the hero”: Might be the greatest sentence ever uttered in movie history. Paved the way for douchebags across America to come together and unite as one.

“Yup yup”: If you forced me to, I couldn’t come up with a better catch phrase than that.

“Lets g-o”: Spelling out the word “go” so the person you’re telling it to has a better understanding of its meaning. Genius. Just genius.

I could go on for days, but you get my point. Vanilla Ice was a visionary. A lyrical genius, if you will. Any woman who wouldn’t be putty in his arms after getting hit on like that would be silly not to want to get in his oversized, Cross Colour shorts and his leather jacket with “Down by Law” inscribed on it.

-The sexual innuendos just kept flying with Jake and Vienna all day long. After putting an eye patch on him, Jake said he loved Vienna’s playfulness. “If I’m playing rough with her, she plays rough right back.” And then some. Think Vienna’s had her hair pulled once or a thousand times? I’m guessing “yes”. I’m also guessing it was done by guy’s whose names she didn’t even know at the time it was happening. It’s a hunch. Just don’t pull too hard. Her extensions might come flying out. I mean, I couldn’t write this date for these two any better than it played out. It was one giant sexual innuendo. Next up? Walking the plank. Jake pushes her off his plank and into the water, before diving in like he’s taking his first diving lesson. Greg Louganis thought that wasn’t the most manly dive ever. At least they’re in the water now and as long as the cameras don’t give us underwater shots, we won’t be able to see them playing with each others genitals. Can’t get pregnant in the water. It’s a known fact. I learned that in health class sophomore year in high school. So ummm, yeah, these two have already done it three times and we’re not even half way through the day yet. Did they show it? No. I’m just a keen observer to detail and I’ll go with my gut on this one.

-Once they’re done in the water, they decided to recreate the beach scene from, well, whatever movie that was. I’m forgetting. Basically two people doing it in the sand when the water rushes up. “Against All Odds” was it? I think so. Haven’t seen that in ages. One of the first movies I remember seeing though with some pretty graphic sex that had my little kiddie jeans all tight. Jake utters quite a line after their exchange on the beach. Jake: “I gotta make sure my passion for her isn’t just sexual.” Well, I can say you’re making one hell of an effort so far considering how many times we’ve seen you two bumping uglies already. It’s seriously getting to a point now where I question whether or not Vienna wants to get in to porn at some point. I mean, lets be honest, would anyone be surprised if she did? Maybe not XXX stuff, but anything having to do with internet porn, or some risqué photo shoot. I definitely wouldn’t put it past her. The funny thing is Jake’s comment about looking past the sexual part, in the very next scene, he’s jokingly asking her about what type of ring style she likes. Thick band? Thin band? Princess cut? Circle cut? I think she said Princess cut. And why wouldn’t she? She’s a princess. Makes sense to me. Only fitting. Just be sure to pick it up at Zales or Kay Jewelers, Jake. They definitely have top quality engagement rings there. Here’s one: “If you’ve ever received an engagement ring from Zales or Kay Jewelers, you might be from Sanford…”

-Now it’s Vienna’s time to turn the tables on Jake. Vienna: “Could you see me as your wife?” Jake: “You wouldn’t be here if I couldn’t.” Vienna: “Good. I seriously could not see myself going to Florida and you not being part of my life.” Wow. Pretty strong statement. If the Vin Man had Jake to bounce stuff off of in the garage every night, I think he’d be a happy man. “Dat Jake shoor nose hiz stuff, Vienna. Hez a keeper.” I picture the Vinmeister pulling out the old tuxedo from 1975 to wear to Vienna’s wedding someday. Seems appropriate. Very “Father of the Bride”-esque. Except instead of playing basketball with her in the snow the night before the wedding to cherish the memory, they’ll be out hunting elk in their orange jumpsuits. Touching really.

-Speaking of touching, Vienna has decided she’s sliding all her chips to the middle of the table now. She’s ALL in. Vienna: “I’ve fallen in love with you.” Jake’s reaction of “You’re in love with me?” was priceless. His voice went up to squealing level and he sounded like someone just told him that for the very first time. He was so giddy, I think he wet himself. There was a lot of crying, then some kissing, which led perfectly into the date card. Vienna reads it: “Jake and Vienna, for the love of God, just go do it in the room already. Chris.” Vienna suggests that she wants to see if Jake is a good cuddler. Uh huh. Cuddle this, sweetcakes (I don’t know what that means). Also, this is a very important step in their already four intercourse sessions relationship. Vienna: “I think we need some time alone to really get to know each other better, and if this is gonna go any farther then, you know, we need some time alone.” At this point I noticed a little hesitation on Vienna’s part. Why? She was going over the dates in her head to make sure Aunt Flo wasn’t visiting that night. I guess she was safe. I really wonder when the girls find out if they’re headed to the overnight dates, if immediately they’re running to book of pills to see how close they are. That’s the kind of stuff that interests me.

-Back in the suite, Vienna has a surprise for Jake. In a scene exactly reminiscent to what Chelsea Wansrath pulled with Matt Grant, she excuses herself, then comes back in a white nightie. With Chelsea, we actually got to watch her strip down while getting undressed. Vienna just left, put on her white lingerie nightie, then opened the doors and announced to Jake, “Come to mama.” Or something like that. Somewhere in this whole ordeal, she uttered the line “I can be elegant and be a woman, and this is something you can keep forever.” Just like I’d be totally shocked if any of you thought for a second someone like Tenley would actually sleep with Jake on the overnight date, if you don’t think Jake and Vienna played hide the Vienna sausage, then you were not watching the same show I was. That girl couldn’t have been any more open and blunt about what was going to happen that night if she wore a white sheet over her body with just a hole cut out in the crotch area. Probably the most forward woman they’ve had in the history of the show. I’m guessing the congregation at Jake’s church all had heart attacks after watching last night. “Show em’ how a good Christian boy behaves!” Yeah, he sure did last night. Vienna probably was probably calling for God quite a few times that night herself.

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-The next ten minutes was dedicated to the phony phone call Ali made to Jake. No need to rehash all of this since I covered it above. It was done in LA, at the time she made the call it was close to her leaving the show, she still had feelings for the guy, but now two and half months later, she’s pretty much over it. She’s going to be the next Bachelorette and that’s that. The good thing about writing this column on and off all day today is I’m able to kind of keep up with things while writing the column. I watched the clip from her appearance on “Ellen”. I think she tried to do a good job to pretend the “Bachelorette” idea was new to her, but it was obvious watching it you knew that she knew. And did you notice Ellen doesn’t mention the word “Facebook” once? Just “your job”. Strategically planned. They can’t mention “Facebook”.

-I’m hearing more and more that Ali is basically being given an opportunity of lifetime with this Bachelorette gig, she’s not passing it up, and Facebook will be a thing of the past. And before so many of you will rush to judgment, think about this: She had been at Facebook two months before she left for filming in October. How much could she have possibly been making at that time? 40k? 45k? 50k, tops? Well, she’s going to make at least TRIPLE that in two months as the next Bachelorette. Yes, she’s gonna be getting six figures and if ABC/Next Entertainment/Warner Horizon tells you otherwise, they’re lying through her teeth. There isn’t a single woman in America who’s at that age, making average money, who wouldn’t jump at the chance to dump your job for six figures to go on lavish dates, hook up with a bunch of good looking guys, and a have show centered around you watched by millions of people for two months. If you say you wouldn’t, you’re lying. Just like Trista, Meredith, DeAnna, and Jillian before her, it’s an experience she’ll never have a chance at again, and she’s getting paid good coin to do it. Ali would be an idiot if she DIDN’T jump at the chance.

-I’m sure a lot of you will ask about the money, but let me tell you, in 19 seasons of this show, it’s never been brought up publicly and it certainly won’t be next season. Just know that she’s getting paid low six figures to be the “Bachelorette”. Has everyone gotten that amount? No. It varies from person to person. But regardless of your feelings towards Ali, she has a built in fan base already, and her and Tenley were the two most “likable” girls this season who even had a chance to be the next “Bachelorette”. And once we established Tenley wouldn’t have made for good television because she’s not gonna make out with 10-15 guys, Ali was the obvious choice. Look back at all five previous Bachelorettes: All had a good story coming in (former rejects that America got behind), all were attractive but had more of the girl-next-door look. None of them were bombshells or pin up models. They have a certain type they cast for the “Bachelorette” and Ali fits that about as well as any in the past. Everyone has their likes and dislikes, and I’m sure plenty will disagree with me, but just know that ABC knows what it’s doing. Ali’s show will be just as highly rated as Jake’s season, which is pulling in the best weekly average this show has done in five years.

A couple thoughts on the phone call that aren’t regarding the “fake” side of it:

-Why does Jake hold the phone so far away from his ear when he’s talking? Did he think he was on a walkie talkie or something? That was just odd.

-Does Ali usually make heart breaking phone calls by leaning against a wall or sitting down near the refrigerator?

-I think it would’ve been awesome if room service just decided to show up during the middle of all that to ruin the moment. Or housekeeping. They always come at the appropriate times, don’t they?

-No need to really go over the video messages each girl left for Jake. All pretty lame. Did they say anything we hadn’t heard 1,000 times already? Here are some phrases you missed in case you fast forwarded: “Wildest dreams”, “come so far”, “open up my heart”, “falling in love”, “the rest of my life”, “man of my dreams”, and “you left the condom wrapper on the nightstand. I threw it out for you.”

-Rose ceremony time. Jake: “Thanks for a great week…fallen in love with all of you for different reasons…tonight is so difficult…looking for that one special someone…should I be worried it burned when I was peeing the morning after spending the night with Vienna?”

Tenley: “On the Wings of Love” I’m guessing will be deleted from her ipod in two weeks if it hasn’t already.
Vienna: Hey, who’s the smart guy who told everyone back on Jan. 6th these were gonna be your final two? Damn, he’s good.

-I honestly don’t remember or care to talk about a thing Gia said after she got eliminated. Although I would like to point out in HD, she was sweating like a prostitute in church afterwards. Someone pat her down. It was either hot in St Lucia that day, or Gia has perspiration problems. Jake sat her down and I thought she had just gotten out of the pool. Her Joker smile was kinda freakin’ me out with all that sweat glistening on her face. She didn’t say anything different than any of the other people eliminated at the final three say. She was sad, should’ve opened up more, could’ve seen herself with him, and now she’ll go call Carl Pavano again in hopes to rekindle the flame so they can crash more cars together.

Ok, I will be back later on this week with a few more “Women Tell All” details, in addition to more thoughts on Ali as the next Bachelorette, which is currently the worst kept secret on TV. If you want to join me on Twitter, my address is Twitter.com/RealitySteve. Or if you want to add me on Facebook, scroll down the right hand column under “My Stuff” and click on the appropriate link. See you soon…

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